sadikin

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"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all."

Oscar Wilde

about me

Muhammad Sadikin
Malay-Muslim
Singaporean

22
currently discovering the world, and himself


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- Sunday, September 17, 2006

hurt goes both ways

hey! finally got round to watching gilmoregirls. (: yeppps. really love the show. and thanks of course to atiqa (who told me of the fantabulous webby) and gilmorefan.com for allowing me to watch the eps ahead of its air in singapore. of which i am still awaiting. slowwww... hahahah.

anyhows. haven't been much of an eventful weekend. perhaps the only exciting thing (apart from watching gg) was the mini-shopping for hariraya. well, even then, we only got the curtains, so it wasn't really all exciting. but ohwell, it's a start.

which reminds me of... Ramadan! in exactly a week's time. ahhh... am not really excited about it or anything, but i just can't help but feel so relieved(?) and oh-so waiting its arrival. hahahah. did that even make sense? weird, but nvm.

okay. i think that's enough updates for now. nights!

oh. and below are lyrics of some really meaningful songs. which are currently stuck in my head, however old they may be. basically, songs i really like right now. (:
and thanks to jeremytan, the catchy tune of teriyakiboyz's tokyo drift (fast&furious) has been ringing in my head since night hike. -.-" yes i know. what a song!

okayokay. on to the really meaningful songs:

Christina Aguilera
- Hurt

Seems like it was yesterday
When I saw your face
You told me how proud you were,
But I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
Ooh, ooh

I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you
But I know you won't be there

Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Some days I feel broke inside
But I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide
'Cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye
When it comes to this, ooh

Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?

There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes
And see you looking back

Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself, oh

If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you
Since you've been away
Ooh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself..
By hurting you

Christina Aguilera
- Oh Mother

Oh, yeah

She was so young with such innocent eyes
She always dreamt of a fairytale life
And all the things that your money can't buy
She thought that he was a wonderful guy
Then suddenly, things seemed to change
It was the moment she took on his name
He took his anger out on her face
She kept all of her pain locked away

Oh mother, we're stronger
From all of the tears you have shed
Oh mother, don't look back
'Cause he'll never hurt us again

So mother, I thank you
For all you've done and still do
You got me, I got you
Together we always pull through
We always pull through
We always pull through
Oh mother, oh mother, oh mother

It was the day that he turned on the kids
That she knew she just had to leave him
So many voices inside of her head
Saying over and over and over,
"You deserve much more than this."

She was so sick of believing the lies and trying to hide
Covering the cuts and bruises (cuts and bruises)
So tired of defending her life, she could have died
Fighting for the lives of her children

Oh mother, we're stronger
From all of the tears you have shed (all of the tears you have shed)
Oh mother, don't look back
'Cause he'll never hurt us again (he'll never hurt us again)

So mother, I thank you (thank you)
For all that you've done and still do (still do)
You got me, I got you, (yeah, you got me and I got you, ooh)
Oh mother, oh mother, oh mother

All of your life you have spent
Burying hurt and regret
But mama, he'll never touch us again

For everytime he tried to break you down
Just remember who's still around
It's over, and we're stronger
And we'll never have to go back again

Oh mother, we're stronger
From all of the tears you have shed
Oh mother, don't look back (oh mother don't look back again)
'Cause he'll never hurt us again ('cause he'll never hurt us again)

So mother, I thank you (and I thank you for everything you've done)
For all that you've done and still do (together we always move on)
You got me, I got you, (you got me, I got you)
Together we always pull through (always pull through)
We always pull through, yeah

I love you mom

Snow Patrol
- Chasing Cars

We'll do it all, everything, on our own
We don't need anything or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world

I don't quite know how to say how I feel
Those three words are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads
I need your grace to remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes
They're all I can see
I don't know where
Confused about how as well
I just know that these things
Will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world

Five For Fighting
- The Riddle

There was a man back in '95
Whose heart ran out of summers
But before he died, I asked him

Wait, what's the sense in life
Come over me, Come over me

He said,

Son why you got to sing that tune
Catch a Dylan song or some eclipse of the moon
Let an angel swing and make you swoon
Then you will see... You will see

Then he said,

Here's a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There's a reason for the world
You and I...

Picked up my kid from school today

Did you learn anything cause in the world today
You can't live in a castle far away
Now talk to me, come talk to me

He said,

Dad I'm big but we're smaller than small
In the scheme of things, well we're nothing at all
Still every mother's child sings a lonely song
So play with me, come play with me

And Hey Dad
Here's a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There's a reason for the world
You and I...

I said,

Son for all I've told you
When you get right down to the
Reason for the world...
Who am I?

There are secrets that we still have left to find
There have been mysteries from the beginning of time
There are answers we're not wise enough to see

He said... You looking for a clue I Love You free...

The batter swings and the summer flies
As I look into my angel's eyes
A song plays on while the moon is hiding over me
Something comes over me

I guess we're big and I guess we're small
If you think about it man you know we got it all
Cause we're all we got on this bouncing ball
And I love you free
I love you freely

Here's a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There's a reason for the world
You and I...

Keane
- Crystal Ball


Who is the man I see
Where I'm supposed to be?
I lost my heart, I buried it too deep
Under the iron sea

Oh, crystal ball, crystal ball
Save us all, tell me life is beautiful
Mirror, mirror on the wall

Lines ever more unclear
I'm not sure I'm even here
The more I look the more I think that I'm
Starting to disappear

Oh, crystal ball, crystal ball
Save us all, tell me life is beautiful
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Oh, crystal ball, hear my song
I'm fading out, everything I know is wrong
So put me where I belong

I don't know where I am
And I don't really care
I look myself in eye
There's noone there
I fall upon the earth
I call upon the air
But all I get is the same old vacant stare

Oh, crystal ball, crystal ball
Save us all, tell me life is beautiful
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Oh, crystal ball, hear my song
I'm fading out, everything I know is wrong
So put me where I belong

Ewan McGregor & Nicole Kidman
- Come What May

Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
Want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day I love you more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing?
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you
And there's no mountain too high
No river too wide
Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather,
And stars may collide
But I love you (I love you)
Until the end of time(until the end of time)

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Oh, come what may, come what may
I will love you, Oh I will love you
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day

10:23 PM
sadikin

- Saturday, September 16, 2006

(kinda stupid) quiz

was tagged by yiksin. so yeah.

1) put your music player on shuffle
2) press forward for each question
3) use the song title as the answer for ur qsn, even if it doesnt make sense
4) tag 5 other people
5) bold the questions and give comments after your answers

how are you feeling today?
petrified - fort minor
[ hahahah. um... really? ]

will you get far in life?
say i - christina milian & young jeezy
[ say i...! and i guess that means i will! godwilling. (: ]

how do your friends see you?
end of the road - boy II men
[ hahahah! you belong to me / i belong to you! xP ]

will you get married?
crawling back to you - bsb
[ you mean i'll go back to an old flame and get married to her? not really much like a fairytale ending. sadly. ]

what is your best friend's theme song?
the riddle - five for fighting
[ hmmm... who exactly is my best friend? really deep song for you anyway. ]

what is the story of your life?
beep - pcd feat will.i.am
[ hahahah! funky much. xP ]

what was primary school like?
promiscuous girl - nelly furtado feat timbaland
[ i was never promiscuous in prisch pls. no hot scandals, sadly. heh. ]

how can you get ahead in life?
breathe - faith hill
[ this one's quite true. we should always learn to relax even in times of crisis. just... breathe. ]

what's the best things about your friends?
confessions of a broken heart - lindsay lohan
[ they come from broken families? hell no. and hopefully, it remains that way. what a song! ]

what is in stall for this weekend?
walk away - kelly clarkson
[ being told to leave by my girlfriend? i don't have one in the first place. hahahah. ]

what song describes you?
come what may - ewan mcgregor & nicole kindman
[ really love this song! anyway, it um, describes me? yeah. perhaps, to an extent. i usually take whatever that comes. so yeah. ]

to describe your grandparents?
angguk angguk, geleng geleng - ahli fiqir
[okay. such wrongness. -.-" anyhows, perhaps it trying to say they're funky? gah. but sadly... may God bless their souls. Amin. ]

how is your life going?
smile - lily allen
[ yeps. it's going fine and dandy right now. but the weeks looming ahead are kinda scary. CTs. gah! ]

how does the world see you?
here we go - trina feat kelly rowland
[ um...? that i'm a casanova and some unfaithful lover? hahahah. ...right! ]

will you have a happy life?
mungkir bahagia - hazami
[ ohno. that means my life will be filled with heartaches! ouch. ]

what does your friend really think of you?
kembalikan indah - siti nurhaliza
[ again, that i'm sucha unfaithful lover? hahahah. ]

do people secretly lust after you?
the right man - christina aguilera
[ wellwellwell, so now i'm the right man? interesting... xP ]

how can i make myself happy?
where'd you go? - fort minor feat holly brook & jonah mantranga
[ by running away? hey, that's kinda true. i rmbr nabil and i planning to just walk and walk to wherever our legs would bring us one fine day. and get our minds free from anything. ]

what should you do with your life?
ku milikmu - siti nurhaliza
[ another siti song. xP anyway, i guess that means i should get attached? hahahah. ]

will you ever have children?
say goodnight - the click five
[ um... now, what does this exactly mean? -shrugs- ]


I TAG
1) mathan
2) dean (on your platoon's blog)
3) amin
4) yanzhi
5) my sis!


-

erkay. what a lame yet interesting quiz.
yiksin, i've done it. and those tagged, must do okay! (:

till later.

5:28 PM
sadikin

-

celebrate life

hey. it's been a week++ since i last blogged. anyway, with all the oh-so depressing stuffs that's happening all around, let's just celebrate life. and what better way than with peektures! hahahah. some of which are very random, but ohwells. xP

teachers' day back at eunosprisch - 31august

okay. hahahah. lame photo. fingers courtesy of irenetan and wanting. xP

me and wanting (:

me and irene (: (hahahah. i look sleepy. -.-")

me and jeremynyan (:

me, irene, wanting and jinachun with miss ngmeowyin! (:

us with mrs nabeesahwong! (:

okay. and now i realise that i've been adding smileys after each caption. hahahah. well, just goes to show how much fun and joy i had when i went back there. was reallyreally great to see friends and teachers. too bad didn't take much photos though. there were
  • mrs gohboonchun (as always)
  • mdm zeinah (she was on relief-teaching)
  • miss limchewsim (and the pizza treat that was finally fulfilled! and thanks for the really insightful heart-to-heart talk.)
  • cikgu salmiah
  • cikgu khadijah (and the secrets of success talk to her students xP)
  • mrs kohbeehong (had quite a good chat with her, abt ri schlife and all. hope she's doing fine with her son.)
  • mdm rohaiyati
  • cikgu ridayu
  • mrs laugekhong
  • mr didy
and a few others. and not forgetting mrs ang (principal) and mrs maria abdullah (vice-principal). plus miss aida (my relief teacher in pri4 if i'm not wrong), who still remembers me! after like three/four years? hahahah. she's back to do relief-teaching again. and y'know what? she actually told me she asked around about me. xP hahahah. flattered much.

yeah. so totally enjoyed my trip back there. (:

scout lore quest + night hike - 2september

hahahah. thailand! xP
(perhaps looking at our silver-banded static display?)

checkpoint 1 (novena)

checkpoint 2

okay. then there's no more peektures. hahahah. whooops. sorry.
anyway, so yeah. we were placed in the silver band for static display! not too bad larh. though obviously can be improved. but considering it was a sec2 effort (with me supervising only), it's a considerable effort. too bad i didn't take a pic of the display.
and night hike was pretty fun. of early morning batch discussion with j1s, and of haliim being kinda pissed at benhong for depriving him of macs dinner menu (it was 4am by the time we were able to visit macs). hahahah. funkay much. xP

maternal grandma's fortieth day tahlil - 3september

sis with cutelil cousin (:

me and the cute one! (:

awww...
(okay. better stop before i'm accused
of paedophilic tendencies. xP)

paternal grandma's seventh day tahlil - 4september

sis and mum in cab. wearing tudungs, mind you. (:

and me back at home.

ouhkay. that's all for now. till later. (:

4:21 PM
sadikin

- Wednesday, September 06, 2006


it has been a gloomy period; the gloomiest in my entire life.

-


it's just so shocking, so unbelievable. as i glanced at the obituary page today, i wonder when's my turn. as morbid as it is, i just can't help but wonder. and that made me realise one thing - i'm afraid to leave. to leave this world and leave behind my loved ones, my friends, my unattained ambitions, my unfulfilled dreams, my unexecuted plans; to leave behind everything.

and i have to agree with someone (i can't recall right now), that in our lives, we seldom pause to think about the bigger things in life, because we are working so hard, chasing our dreams and making plans for our future, so much so that we disregard the fact that we may not live to see tmr. and when that happens, our plans will be left as it is, and perhaps only then, we regret when we realise that we haven't lived our lives to the fullest, or that there could've been many other stuff that should have been settled first.

ah, i dunno why i'm feeling all emo. there just ain't no sunshine right now, i guess.

life is unpredictable. so treasure yours and make the most out of it.

5:03 PM
sadikin

- Tuesday, September 05, 2006


words cannot describe how i feel right now. utter shock, disbelief, sadness, bitterness. i didn't really think much of yanzhi's post, thinking it was just simply a really "what if" thing. unfortunately, just a few minutes ago, i was proven wrong.

i may not have known him very well, but i did know him. right from that fateful day on aug21, 2004 at seameo regional language centre. when we were in blazer and shorts. haha. i'll always rmbr him as a boy genius.

goodbye. and rest in peace. you'll be dearly missed and remembered.

my heartfelt condolences goes out to his family.

-



indeed, life is fragile. very fragile. and i've been made to see this point too many a time just these past few weeks. and it sorta hit me hardest this time round. he's just 15. and i'm 15 too.

i resign to fate.

may God grant me the strength and courage to carry on through the year. isya'allah (God willing).

11:39 PM
sadikin

-

stinking stingrays

hahahah. yeps. talking about steve irwin's death. highly ironic, considering the greater risks that he had taken as a crocodile hunter. was very surprised when i heard about it in the cab while on the way to my grandpa's house last evening. on gold fm, if i'm not wrong. anyway, my condolences goes out to his wife, kids and family.

oh. and y'know what? i've gotten my pink card. yay. finally. hahahah. okay. very un-interesting. but hey. i'm glad that my photo's ain't too bad. (:

okay. till later. ohya. speaking of which, i've got a dinner treat by president syafiq. at downtowneast sakurainternational. yum! am so looking forward to it. xP

now, this feels like a holiday.

4:13 PM
sadikin

- Monday, September 04, 2006

breathe

my maternal grandma's fortieth day tahlil was held yesterday. and my paternal grandma's seventh day tahlil was held just now, after maghrib prayers till slightly before isyak. with the reading of yasin.

y'know... it kinda hasn't really sunk in; the reality that they've both passed on. i do feel the loss, but the impact of their deaths is not as great as i'd thought a close one's death would be. i'd rather believe that, than believe that i am indeed cold and heartless, devoid of emotions. which cleary, is not the case. perhaps i'm more accepting of such harsh realities right now. it's their fate. it's God's will. one thing's for sure - it's gonna be the saddest hari raya ever. and i've a feeling i may just breakdown when i hear the takbir on malam raya.

may God bless their souls. Amin.

-


sorry for the lack of updates. have been very busy from the last post. with first class scout badge hike, hike log, teachers' day, and the static display section of scout lore quest (okay, maybe not really for this one). yeps. so everything's concluded now, with the latest being hike log that i've submitted just this afternoon. and we were banded silver for our static display. (: yay.

ah! i feel so relieved. i can totally breathe again. (:

okay. right now, i think i oughta enjoy my really well-deserved rest.

11:43 PM
sadikin